700 Civility and Courtesy Elder Mark Green“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4.32).
This verse commands us to exercise the greatest of kindness and courtesy toward our brethren in the church. We should be ever so careful not to hurt one another’s feelings. It is all right to be familiar with our brethren, because we should be close in our acquaintance; but we must not presume too much. Good manners are never out of place in the church. We are to conduct our affairs “with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love” (v. 2). If we even suspect something might hurt a brother’s feelings, then we should leave it off. This is the least we can do for the peace of the church.
God’s people ought to be the kindest and gentlest of people. We ought never to be harsh or thoughtless in our dealings with each other. Courtesy ought to be as much a part of the society of the church as it is in some parts of society in general. However, we should not be plastic or insincere in our demeanor, for our love should be “without dissimulation.” Dissimulation is a feigned or hypocritical manner of conduct. Our love should be real, but it also should be courteous.
On the other side of the coin, we need to recognize that civility is not listed as a fruit of the Spirit. It does not take grace to be civil or mannerly. Some of the most cold-blooded people in history have had impeccable etiquette. Those who are skilled in such arts can make their acquaintances think that they are the best friends they have in the world, but sometimes it is completely self-serving. Being a “nice person” means only that a person has good manners. Too often we can mistake the veneer of civility for grace. The most pertinent question concerns not if he is mannerly, but if he is a good man. If he is a good man, then he is a gracious individual; he has a good heart, even if his manners are not what they should be. We need to learn to look past the exterior, however rough or smooth it may be, and pay attention to what is on the inside.
Civility or courtesy alone is no indication of grace, but those who have been born of God’s grace ought to be civil. We ought to be courteous and kind and longsuffering and forbearing, not only with our brethren, but with all men.